Marriage seminar IV
Jim Ramsay asked us to consider at what point our ministry responsibility ended. Can we stop ministering when we close the door of our house at the end of the day? Does our ministry responsibility to our spouses end at the door to the bedroom?
Jim, quoting Broughton Knox, said there was only one person living to whom we had no ministry responsibility, and that was the Lord Jesus.
How does this work out in the context of marriage and sex? Well, in this view, even our sexual relationships are given not simply to gratify ourselves, but to serve the needs of the other person. The success of a sexual relationship (which may not, incidentally, mean the maximization of sexual pleasure in an act of intercourse) can only be found in the context of true other-person-centredness, involving, at its heart, a commitment “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health”. That is the Christian understanding of marriage, and because it is an understanding based on God's creation of marriage (Gen 2:18-25), it is not simply a minority religious view. It is the only workable view for a human being made in God's image.
This understanding accords perfectly with research that shows sexual pleasure is most likely to be experienced in a secure and loving relationship. On the other hand, sex outside of marriage—or the ‘try before you buy’ approach—is not even the beginning of a secure relationship. If the ‘trying’ does not lead to the intended outcome, the natural response of such a philosophy is to withdraw from relationship. As a result, sexual satisfaction will inevitably diminish.