The parents strike back
It seems that the age of parents as all-validating, non-authoritarian, all-listening, teach-don't-punish nice guys is coming to an end. A recent spate of books reviewed in March's Atlantic Monthly indicates a shift in the breeze—away from the “romantic, feelings-centred, nurture-over-nature era of child-rearing” to one which has a more realistic view of children and their needs, and a more robust appreciation of the need for parents to exercise some control and discipline. With titles like Confessions of a Slacker Mom, From Here to Maternity and (my favourite) Cheap Psychological Tricks for Parents, the new crop of secular parenting books heralds a return to the good old days when parents entertained their kids during the holidays by saying, “Go outside”.
A sample of chapter headings from one of these new books gives the flavour: ‘Saying No to Your Child: It's a Kick!’, ‘Bedtime: Is Five-Thirty Too Early?’, ‘Child Labor: Not Just for the Third World!’, and ‘Children's Music: Why?’.
The reviewer, Sandra Tsing Toh, reveals that for her, the most freeing confession in Confessions of a Slacker Mom was where the author (with the unmistakably American name of Muffy Mead-Ferro) writes:
I get mad at my kids. And I holler at them—I try to make sure I apologize, but I didn't stop being emotional or fallible when I gave birth. Besides I don't think getting mad is necessarily ineffective...
One of the consequences of bad behaviour is that it tends to make other people irate. So even if you don't have a better reason to be good, you'd better not be too bad or you might really tick somebody off.
Judging by the parenting styles (and children's behaviour styles) that I see amongst my kids' school friends, this swing in the pendulum is well overdue.