Successful Parenting part 1
In one of his many best sellers, Steve Biddulph explains why parents put their children down. In The Secret of Happy Children, he suggests three reasons why this might happen (p. 24).
Firstly, “you repeat what was said to you”. Our parents spoke to us in a particular way; we do the same to our children.
Secondly, “you just thought it was the right thing to do?”. By putting our children down, we think we can shame them into being better people.
Thirdly, “You are ‘stressed out’”. We feel tired and grumpy, and our words to our children reflect this.
But significantly for the Christian reader, Biddulph explicitly denies or omits two other possibilities that the Bible teaches. Had he not been so blinded by theory, he might have said, and we would want to add:
Fourthly, “your child is a sinner”. Sometimes we tell them they are behaving badly because, well, they have behaved badly.
Fifthly, “you are a sinner”. We say and do things to our children that we shouldn't, because we are helplessly trapped by our fallen natures.
Of course, these points run completely counter to our natural pride, and our self-help culture that says we can fix our problems by ourselves. The idea of admitting our sin and selfishness is offensive, objectionable, and obnoxious to our arrogant God-rejecting humanity. Do not expect to see this message anytime in a bestseller coming soon to a bookshop near you.