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Briefing 370
July 2009
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Motherhood and humble pie

Issue 361: October, 2008 |

Tony Payne

This has been a difficult ‘In this issue’ to write—not, I hasten to add, because this Briefing is somehow lacking in interesting and exciting articles, but because, during the time I had set aside to do it, Ali (my wife of nearly 25 years and the mother of our five children) got sick.

It's nothing life-threatening, and by the time you read this, she will have recovered. But what a difference it makes when mum is sick! All the enemies of peaceful family life rise up and try to take over. The Mess breaks out of its cage and makes a bid for total dominance. The Routine downs tools and refuses to cooperate, since mum is the only person who really knows it and can make it work. The Washing Basket starts to resemble that scene in The Sorcerer's Apprentice where the more you attack the problem, the more it seems to multiply. And the Kids, of course, get sick in sympathy one by one.

Motherhood is an extraordinary challenge, as any male who has tried to fill in for a few days can testify. Even though Christians tend to value motherhood more highly than society, we are by no means immune from the temptation to denigrate and devalue it, or to regard it as a poor and rather boring second choice.

In this Briefing, Leslie Ramsay presents a superb biblical answer to the mess our culture has made of motherhood. She reflects on the profound importance of motherhood in God's purposes, and shows how being a mother simply means being like Jesus. Karen Beilharz's companion piece, ‘Generation Ex’, provides a bittersweet counterpoint. Karen writes about the all-too-common pain of living as a child of divorce, and about the very real ministry challenges this brings to Christians and their churches. And to continue the family focus of this Briefing, Jacky Hooper takes courage in both hands, and reviews some parenting books. TP

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As a child of ‘Generation Ex’, I was very grateful for Karen Beilharz's article on the impact of divorce on children—even adult children. It was insightful and practically pastoral. I especially appreciated her honesty about her own reactions and struggles, and the salutary warning she provides to parents (even Christian ones) who might be tempted to think it is better for children to have ‘happy’ parents who are divorced rather than unhappy parents in a miserable marriage. As she rightly points out, the Lord hates divorce.

And in light of that, there was one word in the article I would want to question. It is the word ‘necessary’. I know there are various views about divorce held by Christians, but my reading of the passages referenced (Matt 5:31–32, 19:9, 1 Cor 7:12–15) is not that they teach that “sometimes divorce or separation is necessary”, but that they are permissible, albeit as a tragic accommodation for the sinful hearts of men and women. The difference is substantial. If something is necessary, then it must happen. If it is permissible, it might happen—when all other avenues of rehabilitation and reconciliation have been exhausted.

Divorce permanently closes a door, and it is a door we should be encouraging our brothers and sisters (and ourselves) to be very slow to close—not only because we believe in a God who can raise the dead, but because it does not close the door on the problems of the marriage, it simply moves them into a different complex of relationships—as Karen's article so well explains.

Claire Smith of Roseville, NSW, AUS (26/10/2008)

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